23 weeks and counting.............

I know, I know, I've got ages yet, but a girl can never be too prepared, besides, this pregnancy seems to be flying by. When I was pregnant with the squidge, days, hours even minutes dragged, I so longed to meet her, just to hold her. Number 2 is in no way less special but squidge keeps me company whilst we are waiting for her, and time flies when your having fun. I seem to be more focused on how quickly squidge is growing up, I'm in the process of arranging her 1st birthday party next month ! I can't believe my baby is going to be 1.

One thing I do want to be different this time round is the birth. I know the most important thing is the outcome, a healthy, beautiful baby girl, but I would love to have a more relaxing labour, a natural and exciting event without unnecessary intervention like before. When pregnant with the squidge I was diagnosed as (borderline) gestational diabetes (something that I will be likely to get this time round as well) so because of this, I was in and out of hospital every other week for scans, blood tests etc, and had to prick my finger four times a day. I managed to control the diabetes through diet, I watched what I ate, made sure I stuck to the script.

With their constant scanning, they discovered that squidge was going to be a big baby, estimated at 9lb, which is pretty big when your only 5 foot. I had requested a water birth but was told that I wasn't allowed and when my waters broke at 38 weeks, I came into hospital and was practically tied to the bed, lying on my back for 2 days. Having been told I had to have hormones injected to speed along labour (as they needed the bed) and told to have a (very painful) epidural (which slows down labour), which when I refused at first, was made to feel like the worst mother on earth and they then proceeded to ask me every 10 minutes if I was going to have it yet, and finally said that I will probably be having a cesarean soon, so if I didn't have the epidural now then I would have to be put under when my baby was being born, I finally gave in. I then gave birth to my squidge with the help of a ventouse as they had seen from the scans that she had a massive head, weighing in at a whopping 5'13oz with the smallest head ever????? She was so tiny, even early baby clothes didn't fit her.

I felt so ill after giving birth, was throwing up when I should of been holding and feeding my baby, I begged them to take the wires out of my back and arms, when they finally did I instantly felt better.

I had my beautiful baby girl but felt so traumatised by the unnecessary intervention, I could of had my drug free water birth. I needn't of had stitches (I had to have some as the Dr accidentally caught me with the ventouse).

So this time, things are going to be different, I'm going to take back some control, I've done my research and I feel strong enough to stick up for myself and say what I want. I would never put my baby at risk and know that a home water birth is more likely to have a smoother, calmer outcome. A calmer happier mama is what a baby needs during labour and means squidge can be part of it all. Hubs is behind me one hundred percent and with friends support we are hoping to have our dream birth.

So here I am contemplating which pool to buy and day dreaming about my beautiful birth which I hope to share with you in approximately 23 weeks. Fingers crossed x x